Kozmatology.

It was Andrew Cashner’s best game as a Ranger and it was arguably Jurickson Profar’s, too, and it was Jonathan Lucroy’s first time ever to appear at first base for Texas but not Pete Kozma’s, and more on him shortly, and I don’t know if it was Adrian Beltre’s first time to go to a knee while taking a pitch but I do know it was Elvis Emilio Andrus Febles’s father’s first game a Ranger that he’s ever been inactive for, and Elvis Emilio has been around since 1:22 a.m. today, and 1–2–2 also represents the number of runs-hits-RBI that Jurickson Profar contributed to Texas 8, Boston 2 and also the number of runs-hits-RBI that Carlos Gomez contributed to Texas 8, Boston 2 and Profar’s hits were both well-struck doubles from his (typically weaker) right side while Gomez’s were a majestic blast over the left field fence and a shortened-up single rapped through the right side with men on first and third and two outs, and there’s not one of the four base hits I just referenced that didn’t fire me up, but back to Cashner, given the Thursday thrashing in Cleveland he was coming off of (which included getting hammered by a splintered bat) and the Tuesday thrashing at the hands of the Red Sox his teammates were coming off of (which included Texas getting hammered by just about everything other than a splintered bat), his effort was not only dominant but also much needed in terms of giving the bullpen a break and the offense more than enough support, and going seven on 110 pitches while allowing only two runs, both unearned, on three hits (facing a lineup that had piled up 19 hits one night earlier) was nearly a whole lot more special, had it not been for a couple Pete Kozma moments, the first of which cost Cashner eight extra pitches, in the space of which the Red Sox picked up their first hit and second hit, busting up a 5.2-inning no-hitter that should have been a 6.0-inning no-hitter when Kozma dropped a very catchable waist-high throw on his backhand side from Profar, with most of their teammates watching as they started for the home dugout, and though Kozma isn’t usually a first baseman he’s unquestionably here for his glove, and Boston’s first two hits never happen if Kozma’s glove had performed its duty on what should have been a routine, inning-ending, no-hitter-preserving 6–3, and the only other hit Boston managed on the night came an inning later, after Lucroy had moved from catcher to first base and Kozma had moved from first base to second base, because Rougned Odor’s hammered wrist (X-rays negative) wasn’t worth playing through with a six-run lead and nine outs to go, and naturally the first ball Boston put into play that inning found the glove-first utility man Kozma, a Jackie Bradley Jr. shot to Kozma’s glove side that was a tougher ball to catch than Profar’s throw an inning earlier but a play you want your big league second baseman to make, particularly when that player occupies the roster because of his defense, yet Kozma couldn’t squeeze the short hop and it turned into Boston’s third — and final — base hit, and if I’d ever watched an episode of Game of Thrones I suppose this is where a clunky, anachronistic, forced reference would go, like I’d ever force anything, and I don’t think I mentioned this earlier in this sentence but Kozma was only in the game because Joey Gallo came out of it in the fifth inning, because his sore left hamstring wasn’t worth playing through with an eight-run lead and 12 outs to go, and I will complete my run as a Rangers fan believing Gallo would have caught Profar’s throw on that routine, inning-ending, no-hitter-preserving 6–3, and, with eight fewer pitches on Cashner’s ledger and a no-hitter intact, I choose to believe the Jackie Bradley Jr. hit in the seventh is instead a no-hitter-preserving 4–3, and I choose to believe that Andrew Cashner believes both of those things as well, and I’m pretty sure that when Pete Kozma completes his run as a Rangers role player, I will forever from that point remember his Rangers run for one thing, much as I remember Lenny Randle’s Rangers run for one thing and Roger Moret’s Rangers run for one thing and Wilson Alvarez’s Rangers run for one thing and John Henry Johnson’s Rangers run for one thing and Eddie Stanky’s Rangers run for one thing and Cris Carpenter’s Rangers run for one thing and Jeff Baker’s Rangers run for one thing and Jorge Cantu’s Rangers run for one thing and Wayne Tolleson’s Rangers run for one thing and Ryan Dempster’s Rangers run for one thing and Mike Gonzalez’s Rangers run for one thing and Tim Bogar’s Rangers run for one thing and Justin Smoak’s Rangers run for one thing, and speaking of Smoak, if you’re ready to write off Jurickson Profar’s career altogether, Smoak would have a word, though, yeah, it’s probably going to have to happen somewhere else and maybe even somewhere else after that, and — sorry for the tangent — I couldn’t really include Bengie Molina in that list because I will forever remember his Rangers run for not one thing but two, sort of like Leon Lett but not really, but definitely not just one thing like Randle and Stanky and Cantu and Bogar and Clint Longley and Calvin Booth and Jackie Smith and Roddy Beaubois and Butch Johnson, all of whom are remembered for one thing more than Cristian Guzman was unless he took a couple seconds today to #ElectElvis and I’m not sure how long Elvis Emilio’s Dad is going to be away but if Rougned Odor’s wrist is still barking tomorrow then (1) that’s going to make me extra-sad because last night Odor swung at one of 10 pitches he saw, putting it over the right field fence, but I’m probably more excited about the other nine pitches since every one of them was outside the strike zone and Odor offered at zero of them and (2) it would probably mean Pete Kozma is going to start at one middle infield spot or another, though I guess optioning Nick Martinez today could conceivably mean Drew Robinson is here on Friday and it’s at least interesting that Robinson isn’t in tonight’s Round Rock lineup and I suppose if so that could deny Kozma the chance to redefine the way he’s, for now, defined his Rangers career, at least for me, like maybe chipping in a walk-off — which is not the same as a run-on, but exponentially more desirable and exponentially less likely to prompt five of you to unsubscribe — and I’m pretty much tired of the 2011 Cardinals screwing up Rangers history and if there’s a 2011 Cardinals blog out there then I’m gonna sign up just so I can unsubscribe.

 
title_authors

Jamey Newberg

Dallas attorney Jamey Newberg has been commenting on Rangers from the big club down through the entire farm system since 1998.

Scott Lucas

Scott Lucas was born in Arlington, Texas, to Richard and Becky Lucas. He lived mostly in Arlington before moving to Austin, where he graduated from The University of Texas. Scott works for Austin Valuation Consultants, Ltd., and has published several boring articles about real estate appraisal and environmental contamination. He makes a swell margarita and refuses to run longer than ten kilometres.

Eleanor Czajka

Eleanor grew up watching the AAA Mudhens in Toledo, Ohio. A loyal Ranger fan since 1979, she works "behind the scenes" at the Newberg Report.

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