The opposite of a siren song.

Those invasive, aversive, unwelcome sirens across Dallas started assaulting my headspace a little before midnight and my first thought was the weather seems non-invasive enough and my second thought was STOP and my third thought was Powerade ice dumps are, at their core, invasive and aversive but quite welcome and maybe whoever controls those 156 sirens in Dallas is just a really big Rangers fan and had nobody to dump Powerade and ice on and had no Powerade and ice in the first place to celebrate Texas 10, Oakland 5 and so a barrage of sirens was the best she or he could do and that’s cool because the Rangers won one and Mrs. Campos taught me in fourth grade that “won” and “one” are either homonyms or homophones or homographs and I think maybe they’re actually both homonyms and homophones, sorta like Texas 10, Oakland 5 triggered a whole lot of happy “Holy crap!” celebrations, as opposed to the “wholly crap” feelings of the three games that preceded Texas 10, Oakland 5, and I don’t think “Go Maz” and “Gomez” are homonyms or homophones or homographs but they’re both bullet points from Texas 10, Oakland 5 and someone who knows a whole lot more about baseball than me suggested four months ago that it’s within the realm of conceivability that the one-year deal the Rangers gave Gomez in December locked in what could be this team’s best baseball player in 2017 and, man, what he did defensively and at the plate and on the bases last night — all in the first inning — was probably like an invasive, aversive, unwelcome baseball siren if you’re an A’s fan, though they have #poopdugouts to deal with too, and then there’s Nomar, who, I’ll say it again, is on his way to appropriating and eclipsing a former Red Sox player’s name in the baseball lexicon just like Pudge did with another former Red Sox player’s nickname, not that Garciaparra wasn’t pretty good but Mazara’s career is, well, let’s not get ahead of ourselves, but at Mazara’s age Garciaparra was in his first full minor league season, hitting eight home runs in 125 Class AA games, while Mazara is a year removed from April Rookie of the Month honors and could conceivably be on his way to a different award this month, and Nomar’s swing reminds me of Raffy’s, Mazara’s, that is, not Garciaparra’s, though when it’s all said and done we know who baseball’s real Nomar will have been, just like baseball’s real Pudge, and I think I already said that, but there’s still siren reverb in my head and reverb is not a part of speech or vocabulary thing like homonyms or homophones or homographs and it’s also not a portmanteau but instead just a hypocorism but not exactly and did you know that the Rangers’ 1–3 record matches what it was in 2016, when they went on to win the most games in the American League, and the difference this year is Texas is coming off a win (snapping an eight-game skid in games that count) after last year taking a three-game losing streak into Game 5, when A.J. Griffin helped stop that skid and get the Rangers rolling on a run of four out of five and nine out of 12, and let’s see where this thing heads now, coming off Griffin’s latest skid-stopping effort, a game in which Mike Napoli contributed a lot more defensively than he did at the plate, as unexpected and quite welcome as Joey Gallo’s baserunning this week and those matte helmets and another beast effort from Alex Claudio, who was really good in 2016 and really good in the World Baseball Classic and, as much as I dug the WBC this year, I’m sure the Mariners and Mets aren’t real happy that Drew Smyly and Seth Lugo came out of really strong WBC’s with arm injuries and, no, I don’t think Sam Dyson is hurt, at least I hope not, but he’s obviously got to start locating the fastball, which was also an issue this week at some level for Yu and Martin and Cole, and Yu is historically not very good against the A’s but he also was historically nails in his first start of every season and since that trend was busted this year let’s go ahead and reverse things tonight against Oakland too, and in spite of the winless trio of games the Rangers opened with and the lossless trio of games the Astros opened with, the division gap is now just 1.5 games and I’m super-happy that Houston released Gomez (2016) and released J.D. Martinez (2014) and drafted Mark Appel instead of Kris Bryant (2013) and I don’t think schadenfreude has a homonym or homophone or homograph, and Anderson Tejeda (first Class A game) and Leody Taveras (second Class A game) each homered this week as 18-year-olds in a full-season minor league, which is not made any less eye-opening by the fact that Nomar is still just 21 and is slashing .588/.588/1.059 this week against big league pitching, and Leody and Anderson and Nomar are off to much better starts than Brockmire, and when I first saw USA Today’s Bob Nightengale tweet yesterday that “Shohei Otani, the Babe Ruth of Japan, told 60 Minutes he will sign with [an] MLB team after [the] season, which could cost him $200M by not waiting,” I first thought about the possible Yu Darvish and Jonathan Lucroy implications, but hours later I crowded Carlos Gomez into that thought, invasive and aversive and unwelcome as the thought of all three moving on might be, and sorry for assaulting your headspace as I sentence you to a one-sentence report and now THAT was a homonym, and before about four or five of you unsubscribe I wanted to thank you for all the support and tell you that I love you but not in the same way that I, wait for it, love Yu (#homophone), and hey, we’ve won one so let’s just go on ahead and win two too and beat Graveman because it’s never too early to put the A’s in a grave, man, and tonight I vote for a little more icy Powerade, but without sirens because they’re aversive and I don’t like things that beat on my brain like a shrill, unrelenting, gratuitously gratuitous run-on sentence.


Jamey Newberg

Dallas attorney Jamey Newberg has been commenting on Rangers from the big club down through the entire farm system since 1998.

Scott Lucas

Scott Lucas was born in Arlington, Texas, to Richard and Becky Lucas. He lived mostly in Arlington before moving to Austin, where he graduated from The University of Texas. Scott works for Austin Valuation Consultants, Ltd., and has published several boring articles about real estate appraisal and environmental contamination. He makes a swell margarita and refuses to run longer than ten kilometres.

Eleanor Czajka

Eleanor grew up watching the AAA Mudhens in Toledo, Ohio. A loyal Ranger fan since 1979, she works "behind the scenes" at the Newberg Report.

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